When Children Struggle at Christmas: Understanding and Supporting Emotional Wellbeing
This blog post explores the difficulties some children face during Christmas, offering insights into the emotional and mental health challenges they may experience. It also provides strategies for families and schools to support children and suggests alternative traditions that focus on connection and meaning rather than materialism.
For many, Christmas is a season of joy, excitement, and togetherness. But for some children, it can be overwhelming, stressful, and even painful. The transition into the festive period, along with the high expectations and changes in routine, can place significant mental and emotional pressure on children, particularly those who are already struggling.
Why Do Children Struggle at Christmas?
Christmas can be challenging for children for various reasons, including personal circumstances, social pressures, and the heightened emotional atmosphere of the season.
The Challenges of Transition and Routine Changes
Christmas disrupts familiar routines with school holidays, social events, and festive activities. For some children, particularly those with autism or anxiety, this lack of structure can feel overwhelming. The anticipation and buildup can lead to heightened emotions, making it difficult for children to regulate their feelings.
Unrealistic Expectations
The pressure to “be happy” during the holidays can make children feel guilty or isolated if they are struggling emotionally. Advertisements and societal messaging can create unrealistic expectations about gifts and experiences, leading to disappointment or feelings of inadequacy.
Family Struggles and Emotional Triggers
Children from families experiencing financial hardship, grief, or separation may find Christmas especially difficult. The season may evoke painful memories for children who have experienced trauma or loss.
Social and Sensory Overload
Christmas events, such as parties or visits to see Santa, can overwhelm children who are shy, introverted, or sensitive to noise and crowds. The pressure to socialise or perform (e.g., in school plays or carol services) can exacerbate anxiety.
How Families and Schools Can Support Children
Supporting children who struggle during the Christmas period requires sensitivity, understanding, and proactive strategies. Here are some practical ways to help:
1. Create a Sense of Predictability
Use Visual Schedules: Families and schools can create a simple calendar outlining upcoming events and changes to routines, helping children feel more secure. Maintain Some Normalcy: Try to keep familiar routines in place where possible, such as regular meals and bedtimes.
2. Manage Expectations
Set Realistic Goals: Help children understand that Christmas isn’t about perfection. It’s okay to have mixed feelings, and not everything will go as planned. Discuss Gift Giving: Encourage conversations about gratitude and managing expectations for presents. For instance, emphasise the thought behind a gift rather than its cost or size.
3. Provide Emotional Support
Acknowledge Feelings: Let children know it’s normal to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed during Christmas, and encourage them to share their emotions. Create Safe Spaces: Whether at home or school, ensure there’s a quiet, calm area where children can retreat if they feel overstimulated.
4. Focus on Connection
Family Time Over Materialism: Prioritize shared activities like baking, crafting, or storytelling instead of emphasising expensive gifts. Inclusive School Events: Schools can organise activities that focus on togetherness, such as kindness campaigns or collaborative art projects, rather than competitive or high-pressure performances.
5. Offer Alternative Options for Social Events
Flexible Participation: Allow children to opt out of or modify participation in events that feel overwhelming, such as school plays or crowded Christmas markets. Small Gatherings: Plan quieter, more intimate gatherings where children feel comfortable and supported.
Building Meaningful Traditions Beyond Presents
Traditions can provide comfort and joy, offering children a sense of belonging and connection. Here are some creative and inclusive ideas for families and schools to make Christmas meaningful:
Family Traditions
Decorating Together
Christmas Tree: Decorate the tree as a family with ornaments, lights, and a special topper. Some families add a new ornament each year to represent something meaningful.
House Decorations: String up lights, hang wreaths, or set up a nativity scene together.
Holiday Baking
Bake cookies, gingerbread houses, or other festive treats. Decorating them can be a fun activity for all ages.
Share baked goods with neighbours, friends, or those in need.
Special Meals
Have a Christmas Eve or Christmas Day feast with traditional family recipes or create a new culinary tradition.
Include a "secret ingredient" dish or prepare something together, like homemade hot cocoa or mulled wine.
Storytelling and Entertainment
Read Christmas stories like The Night Before Christmas or passages from religious texts.
Watch your favourite holiday movies or sing Christmas carols as a family.
Gift-Giving Rituals
Secret Santa: Draw names to exchange gifts anonymously.
Handmade Gifts: Spend time crafting personalised presents.
Give Back: Donate gifts, toys, or clothing to charities.
Outdoor Fun
Go sledging, or take a winter walk to see Christmas lights in your neighbourhood.
Visit a Christmas market, tree farm, or ice-skating rink.
Advent Calendar
Create a homemade calendar filled with small treats, activities, or acts of kindness for each day leading up to Christmas.
Christmas Eve Traditions
Open one special gift, often pyjamas or a book, to enjoy before bed.
Attend a midnight church service or have a quiet family moment to reflect on the holiday’s meaning.
Games and Crafts
Play board games or create DIY ornaments and decorations.
Set up a Christmas trivia or charades night with family.
Cultural or Religious Practices
Incorporate cultural traditions or celebrate according to religious customs, like lighting a Christingle or hosting a Feast of the Seven Fishes.
Capturing the Memories
Take a family photo each year in festive outfits or with a tree.
Start a scrapbook or video diary of Christmas moments to look back on in the future.
School Traditions
Why Christmas Traditions Can Be Difficult
Financial Stress: Gift exchanges, dress-up days, and trips can be expensive for families.
Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud music, and busy events can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children.
Emotional Triggers: The season may remind children of loss, family conflicts, or absent loved ones.
Routine Changes: The excitement and changes in school schedules may disrupt children who thrive on predictability.
Religious or Cultural Differences: Not all families celebrate Christmas, which can make some children feel excluded.
Strategies to Support Children at Christmas
Inclusive Activities
Emphasize themes of kindness, giving, and community rather than focusing solely on Christmas.
Offer activities that don’t require religious affiliation, like winter crafts, storytelling, or acts of charity.
Flexible Participation
Allow children to opt out of certain activities, like carol singing or Santa visits, without fear of judgment.
Offer alternative spaces or quieter versions of events for children who are sensitive to noise or crowds.
Maintain Routines
Keep daily schedules as predictable as possible and provide advance notice for any changes.
Use visual schedules or countdowns to help children understand what to expect.
Support Emotional Well-being
Create a space for children to express their feelings about the season. For example, journaling, drawing, or talking with a trusted adult.
Be attentive to signs of stress or sadness and offer extra reassurance.
Consider Financial Inclusivity
Plan low-cost or no-cost alternatives to activities like Secret Santa, such as handmade cards or acts of kindness.
Avoid singling out children whose families may struggle financially.
Acknowledge Diverse Traditions
Celebrate other cultural festivals happening during the season, such as Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Lunar New Year.
Invite children to share how their family celebrates (if they are comfortable).
Sensory-Friendly Adjustments
Provide noise-cancelling headphones, low-light spaces, or quieter versions of events.
Reduce visual clutter in classrooms while keeping decorations simple.
Staff Awareness
Train staff to recognise that not all children feel joy during the holidays and to handle sensitive situations compassionately.
Discuss ways to make the school environment a safe and welcoming space for all children.
Strategies for Families and Schools Navigating Trauma During Christmas
For children who have experienced trauma, Christmas can be a particularly challenging time. Here’s how to provide additional support:
Prioritise Emotional Safety: Avoid forcing children to participate in activities that may trigger anxiety or painful memories. Simplify the Festivities: Scale down celebrations to create a calm, low-pressure environment. Seek Professional Support: If a child’s struggles seem overwhelming, consider consulting a play therapist or counsellor for guidance. Focus on Positives: Highlight small joys, such as decorating together or enjoying a quiet moment with a favourite book or movie.
Conclusion
While Christmas can bring joy and celebration, it can also heighten struggles for many children and families. By recognising the pressures and challenges children may face, we can create a more inclusive and supportive festive season.
Through thoughtful strategies, emotional understanding, and meaningful traditions, families and schools can help children navigate this time with greater ease. Let’s make Christmas a season that prioritises connection, kindness, and resilience—reminding children that the most important gift is being surrounded by love and support.
